28 July 2008

alan smithee *

sissy ain’t nothin’

“That bitch ain’t nothin’, you know? I mean, you know what I am sayin’, right?”

“No, actually. No clue. Your mouth keeps moving and moving, changin’ the direction of the breeze.”

“You know who I’m, talkin’ ‘bout, don’tcha? Seriously? You know. Sissy Big Tits. You know? That bitch from Texas.”

“Her last name is Big Tits?”

“You know what I am sayin’. Don’t be so dumb.”

“I ain’t dumb.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“I ain’t dumb!”

“Anyway. You know, what kinda name is Sissy anyway? I mean, really. Sissy? I know some fags named Sissy.”

“I think they’d just be sissies.”


“You know feminine acting gays are sometimes called sissies. It’s derogatory.”

“Deroga-what? You been readin’ the dict’nary at night, or somethin’? Don’t get all uptown on me.”

“I ain’t uptown.”

“No shit, fucker. You keep that in mind.”

“Alright. Fuck. Are you gonna shut up?”

“No. So back to what I was sayin’, okay? Anyway. That bitch she took my boyfriend. Fucked him from what I heard.”

“You have a boyfriend?”

“Yeah. So hard to believe?”

“A little. You’re such a chatty bitch. Who would stand you? You hate everyone. Everyone. Jesus don’t have that kind of patience to put up with your bullshit.”

“Yeah, well. I ain’t no bitch, fucker. And I have a boyfriend.”


“Arden Moore.”

“Arden Moore? That preppie dude from Westchester. With the BMW? The big house and all that? Really? Whad’ya do to get with him? Fuck him on the first date?”


“You fucked him. I see it in your eyes. Who you callin’ whore and bitch and shit when you’re fuckin’ some dumb fuck rich dude? You ain’t got no play to go down that road.”

“Yeah, well. Least I’m fuckin’. Who you fuckin’?”

“Wait you said Sissy took your boyfriend from you?”

“Yeah. Man, get on board with the conversation. That’s what I heard.”

“That bitch.”



“Oh now you’re on my page? Fucker, what took you there?”

“Cuz my girlfriend is Sissy Big Tits.”

* note: the writer of this piece wishes to remain anonymous.

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